My kid said 3yo edition

Riding in the car:
3yo: He’s following us again.
D: Who?
3yo: The boy
D and I look at each other.
3yo: HE’S A GHOST!

***

Ego boost: catching a dude staring at my triceps while I’m doing hammer curls.

Ego check: 3yo hugging me when I get home from the gym and telling me I smell like yuck.

***

During story time:

D decides to read a story in a bad cockney accent resulting in the phrase ” ‘appy ‘alloween’ ”

3yo’s response: You have to say the H!

Us: Who told him Halloween started with an H?

***

Morning conversation about why he can’t use the computer or watch TV today.

Me: You chose not to stay in bed. You know the consequences.
3yo: I don’t want those.

***

During the baby’s┬ádiaper change:

3yo: The baby gonna get big and drive!
Me: You’ll drive before she does. What kind of car will you drive?
3yo: An RV. It’s a house bus!

***

Album cover for DCFC’s Transatlanticism is up as I play the title track, and E comes up and asks if that’s the bird.

Me: Yeah, it’s the black bird with the red yarn. How do you think that bird feels?
3yo: He looks sad, a little despondent.

***

3yo: picks up a note pad on my desk: “I found a message. It says, ‘Mommy and Daddy loves you.”

***

Bonus D says:

3yo: Oh no I broke this toy. You have to fix it.
D: That toy can’t be fixed. It’s too broken.
3yo: You need a tool. A tool can fix it.
D: No, this is too broken. A tool can’t fix it.
3yo: A hammer! A hammer can fix it!
D: No, sorry, all we can ask Hammer is please don’t hurt ’em.

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